Goodbye, My Lover
by alena-chan
Summary: “Love is… knowing when to let go.” He finally answered as he glanced at her surprised face. “Love is understanding what the person you love needs and wants. Love is trying to make the person you love happy even if that means that you get hurt RobRaeSpeedy


_**A/N: **Yeah, a new little one-shot… okay it's not really little… but yeah…_

_Anyway, I'm really, really proud of this story and I worked hard on it… really hard on it… so, be honest when you review and tell me how you like it…_

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_Thanks and kudos and kisses and love to my beta and friend and fellow RaeRob writer **Cherrie-chan!**_

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_This story is dedicated to three amazing and wonderful woman:_

_**To my aunt** (she was the aunt of my mother…) who passed away recently and who was the kindest and nicest woman I have ever met… really… I have never witnesses a day she was mad or angry at someone… she was an amazing person… and she will be always in my heart…_

_**To my mother**, because she is the best and most wonderful and most amazing… and most patient mother a daughter can ask for… and the person who will always support me and love me… no matter what I do… I love her and… she is just beautiful and wonderful… and someday I wish to be just a great as she is…_

_**To my grandmother**, because she is the coolest grandmother and a wonderful person… even she tries to match me up with random guys… I just love and adore her… and hopefully I will as cool as her when I'm old… okay, she will kill me she reads that and sees that I call her old… no that she can read English… hehehehe…_

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_**Disclaimer: I still don't own them… but I assure you, I will one day… and then… yeah… you will see…**_

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_**Goodbye My Lover**_

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Nails dug into firm delicate flesh as their worlds and heated figures collided. Eyes shut tightly closed, as hands searched blindly with need and passion. They moved in unison. He led, and she followed just as she always did when they were younger and he used to be her leader. The springs of the mattress below them yielded to the urgent rhythm of their bodies. Soft panting and breathy moans added percussiveness to the constant low squeaking of the bed.

He had held her close so often, her body felt as though it had been conformed to fit his own. Every motion felt natural and almost rehearsed, perhaps because he had imagined this so many times. He breathed warm nonsensical words into the soft skin of her neck as he kissed it. His hands grazed over every accessible inch of her body, and once these places had all been explored, his fingers tangled themselves in her hair. He took in the sweet smelling scent of her smooth violet locks as he drove himself deeper and deeper into the heat of her body.

The headboard tapped strong staccato pulses on the wall as she gently brushed some stray hair out of his eyes. With this gesture, he paused, and the room was momentarily bathed in silence. Raking her slender ivory fingers through his sweat matted black hair, she forcefully brought his lips to hers, silently urging him to continue.

Their lips created moist friction, and the intensity of her kiss told him all he needed to know. In this moment, they were physically the closest they had ever been. Yet it still was not close enough, and yearning to be even closer, he pushed his hips towards hers. In turn, her legs tightened their grip on his hips holding him where she most needed him to be.

As he pushed himself nearer to the edge of his control, he opened his eyes and looked at the small-framed woman beneath him. The only light that managed to leak from under the curtain and into the bedroom was casting a soft glow upon her creamy ivory skin. Her eyes were closed gently as though she were imagining herself in a beautiful and tranquil place far away from the confining white walls of her bedroom. She bit her bottom lip stifling a moan as she grasped the sheets on the bed tightly as if for strength. Seeing this, he could no longer hold back and allowed himself to brush his lips softly against her forehead. Just as he had hoped, she opened her eyes and as her amethyst eyes bore into the blue of his own they both wordlessly conceded to finish this dance together.

Looking into his eyes she watched as his lips once again came down to hers for a fleeting moment. Before she could catch another breath, he began to drive himself deeper and deeper into her. Harder and faster, she followed his lead going wherever he was about to take her. Their eyes locked intensely while they both pushed themselves deeper, harder, and faster until everything went white.

The room was quiet save for the sound of their subdued breathing. Their limbs were intertwined as though their bodies had melted into one form. Afraid to disturb the silence, but not wanting this moment to escape them, but knowing that she had to, Raven re-intertwined herself. Climbing out of the bed, she cleared her throat and began to speak.

"Richard, I think that we...I'm not even going to say it." She faltered with every word she spoke letting her last few words decrescendo to a whisper. He had heard the words before and didn't need to hear them once more. She walked to the large mirror in the bedroom, her back to him and her bare silhouette illuminated in the dim moonlight.

"We should go, Richard… we are already late… we have to go the ball…" Her eyes were fixed on her reflection in the mirror.

Richard sat up from the bed, his long ebony hair tousled and his cerulean eyes fixed on her in the mirror. He drunk in her perfect ivory body… her voluptuous chest, followed by a flat and defined tummy and sensual hips and long, creamy legs… a body made by gods for a goddess.

He left his bed only to come up behind her, his long fingers gently stroked her long, soft hair.

"You're beautiful… so beautiful…" His deep voice was only a whisper.

"… But I don't mean a thing to you…" + The dark sorceress finished somehow bitter and sad.

Raven knew that what she said wasn't true… no, it was definitely not true. She knew that she meant a lot to him and that she was the only one who got to know Robin… who got to know Richard Grayson and who got to know Nightwing.

Yeah, Raven knew that she meant a lot to him… but not enough… or maybe she meant too much to him…

Richard's eyes widened in shock at her words. How could she think like that…?

"Rae, you know that's not true… I-"

She shook her head, "I just can't get this song out of my head… it's terrible, you know…"

Raven knew that it was pathetic excuse for the truth, but she couldn't do anything else.

"Yeah, it's terrible…" Richard agreed… seeing through her lie…

…And she knew that he knew… and that was probably the best part in their friendship… or the most tragic… she didn't really know…

"I'm going to take a shower… I- we have to go to this ball…" Without looking at him, Raven went to the bathroom connected with the bedroom.

All Richard could do was looking after her… and again he felt like the biggest asshole on earth.

**_He_** was probably the biggest **_asshole _**on earth and he wished we could change that… wished that he could do anything to not hurt anymore, but he knew that he couldn't give her what she wanted… couldn't give her love… not the love she wanted…

He loved her, Richard knew that.

He loved Raven… Richard loved Raven and Raven loved him… but he **_couldn't_** love her… couldn't be the person she wanted him to be…

Richard knew that loving her would bring her pain… much more pain than she already felt. He just wasn't meant for love – wasn't meant for a happily ever after, Richard had realized that a long time ago.

He was too much Robin… to much Nightwing… to much hero… to give his heart to somebody… to Raven.

… But still – he loved her… he couldn't stop loving her…

And so, he slept with her… had sex with her… get down in her… fucked her brains out time after time and made love to her, because that was the only think he could give her. The only way to show her how much she actually meant to him, how much he wished he could love her.

It sounded selfish, Richard knew that and it was probably selfish to sleep with her, but not allowing himself to love and allowing her to move on, so she could find somebody who could actually give her the love she deserved. But he just couldn't give her up… couldn't bring himself to let her go, because it was the only thing that kept him sane.

It was screwed up, he knew that… but feeling her… touching her… kissing her… being inside of her… that everything made him human… showed him that he wasn't so cold and screwed how his mentor… how Batman.

He was being selfish… he was hurting Raven for his own selfish needs, but he loved her… so very much and maybe that had been his mistake… falling in love with her.

It would be easier if it had been Starfire.

Starfire had never meant anything to him… at least not the way Raven was important to him.

Yes, he loved Starfire, but just like the sister he never had. But there was nothing else and he knew he could never love her how he loved Raven… could never feel the same overwhelming feelings like he felt for Raven.

He would be never able to feel so strongly for someone else than Raven…

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Raven hated balls… or parties… or anything else where she had to wear a dress and talk with women who didn't have a clue about literature or politics, but knew everything about the newest fashion. 

With a glass of Champaign in her hand she stood in the far corner of the gigantic ballroom trying to block out the high-pitched of voice of the rich and pampered woman.

Not far away from her Richard was engaged in a conversation with a business partner of Wayne Industries, so there was no way that she could talk with him

She sighed inaudibly at the prospect of standing her and feeling bored for at least another hour as a warm, large hand were placed on her shoulder from behind.

"Would you let me live if I told you how you beautiful you look tonight?" A certainly male voice purred and Raven immediately relaxed at the familiar voice.

The violet-haired woman crocked her head to the right side so that she was looking into light blue eyes.

"I think I could let this slide for now… since it's you, **_Roy_**…" She spoke in her usual monotone voice and turned around… only to face a tall young man with striking blue eyes and spike red-hair.

Roy seemed to hesitate to do something and before he could decide what to do, Raven hugged him gently.

"It's good to see you," she said as they parted and a smile graced her lips.

For Roy, Raven's behavior was more than surprising… Raven wasn't really fond of personal contact, but yet, she had hugged him and smiled at him… and he realized that he really loved her smile.

"So, where's your date…?" Roy heard her ask and he jerked up from his thoughts.

"Huh…?" was his intelligent reply.

"Your date. Who is your date…?" The dark woman replied grinning.

"I don't need a date… I came alone! You know, always being revolutionary… that's me…!" A big, charming grin was plastered on his lips.

Raven shook her head, "Oh yeah… revolutionary… that you are…!"

"So, I guess, you are here with our dear Boy Wonder?" He suddenly asked and Raven felt how uncomfortable and nervous, Roy suddenly was.

"You know how much he hates to be called Boy Wonder," Raven told him not really answering his question.

"But you do it all the time!" He pouted falling into his playful mood again.

"Only because I'm special."

The red-haired man's face softened as he spoke up, "Yes, indeed, you are special!"

Wide amethyst eyes met light blue eyes in confusion. She proceeded to say something to him as he took her arm gently and pulled her into the middle of the room.

He placed his left hand on the small of her back while his other hand intertwined with her right hand.

And they began to dance to a soft, melodic tune.

They were silent for the most time of their dancing, but neither minded, because both felt comfortable and safe with their silence. There was nothing forced about it… they both enjoyed it…

"You and Dick…? Are you two… uhm… ?" Roy couldn't finish his blurted out question, because Raven equally blurted out the answer.

"No! No… we are…"

_**Flashback**_

_Her head was resting on his exposed chest and his hand was playing with her hair as she asked him the question._

"_What are we Rob- Richard…?"_

_She rolled onto her side to look at him, but she saw was his profile. His eyes were fixed on the ceiling, but she could see them to be scrunched and deep in thoughts._

"_We are… we…" He tried to answer her… tried say something that wouldn't hurt her too much, but he knew that he couldn't… couldn't tell her what she wanted to hear._

"… _Friends… we are friends…" Richard spoke up at least still not looking at her, because looking at her means seeing her hurt expression… not that it helped, because he could **feel **her pain… could feel the way he had hurt her with his words._

"_Fiends…" Raven repeated defeated and turned around so that her bare back was facing him. "We are friends…"_

_It was now that Richard had turned around looking at her back. He stretched out his hand, his heart urging him to crease her soft skin… to tell her the truth, but he let his hand fall onto the bed and ignored his heart's plea._

'_I love you…!' He thought desperately not able to saying it out loud._

_**End Flashback**_

"… Friends…" She finished as the memory faded into nothingness. "We are friends…"

"Oh…" Was Roy's only answer as he led her to the music.

Again, they were silent… both enjoying their dance…

"Raven…?" Roy broke the silence and Raven felt his nervousness… and somehow it brought a small smile onto her face.

Roy Harper nervous…? That was something totally unexpected and never seen and she would make sure to enjoy it…

"Yeah…?"

"I just wanted to ask you… if you could imagine going out with me…? I mean… to a coffee-shop or something like that… and I would even get you some of this healthy tea, you always drink…" He trailed off and looked at Raven with an expectant expression.

Raven opened her mouth, but she didn't really know what to say. She hadn't expected that… not at all.

He was asking her out… Roy Harper was asking her out…

For a moment, she wanted to say 'yes' … she really wanted to go out with him, but just as she wanted to say something, Raven caught sight of a certain dark-haired man who's intensive blue eyes were boring into her very soul.

'_Richard…' _was the only thought in her mind.

"Roy… I… I don't know… I…" The purple haired woman couldn't finish her sentence, because Roy shook his head smiling sadly at her.

"It's okay… I understand…" His voice was firm an understandingly.

"No, really… I…" Again, Raven was cut short…

The music had ended and Roy let go of her abruptly just as if he was burning holding her… and strangely enough, she missed his touch.

"Thanks for the dance Raven… I loved it and it was a pleasure for me…" He took her hand softly placed a kiss on her knuckles.

The red-haired man let go of her hand and bowed slightly, "I think I'm not the only one who wants to dance with you…" He smiled… a sad smile… a longing smile as he gestured behind her and with small wave of his right hand; he went away before Raven could say anything.

"Care to dance…?" A familiar voice reached her ears and Raven knew that it was Richard… she always knew.

"I… yes… yeah…" She tried to smile, but somehow it was impossible for her to do so. "Let's dance…"

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"Raven… Are you alright…?" It was later that night when they both were in his apartment that Richard decided to ask her this question. 

"Yeah… of course," he knew she was lying. Of course he knew, but he didn't really want to know why she was lying… not really…

"You're on patrol tonight." He told her while stripping out of his black suite.

"Please don't tell me that I'm with Changeling again…? The last time he tried to make me laugh with telling me all the 'Knock-Knock – jokes' he knew. If I have to endure that one more time, someone has to die!" Raven complained madly and that brought a smile on Richard's face.

She was cute when she was angry, but he could never tell her that… she would kill him…

"Don't worry, you're with… Arsenal…" The name of his friend came out hesitantly and Richard watched her for any sign… he didn't really know for what he was looking, but he needed to find something… anything.

"Arsenal?" Raven asked her face expressionless as ever.

"Yes… is this alright… with you…?" The dark haired hero asked careful to read her right.

"Of course." She assured him knowing that she had answered him to fast, but she didn't care anymore. "I should go… it's already late…" And without waiting for an answer, she vanished into a pool of black on the floor leaving a sad and woeful Boy Wonder behind.

Although, he hadn't been a Boy Wonder for a long time… Nightwing was no Boy Wonder…

As he stared at the spot where the dark-haired sorceress had stood only moments ago, Richard realized one thing… he was losing her…

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Raven didn't make any sound as she teleported right behind Arsenal who was standing on roof of a building. 

She put her hand on his shoulder and he jumped a bit whirling around he glared at her, "Don't do that ever again, Raven…!" The red-haired hero panted out.

Raven couldn't help herself but grin, "You are sloppy… Arrow Boy! What would you have done if I had been a villain…? I don't think they are as nice and kind as me…!"

"Nice…? Kind…? You…?" He arched his eyebrows under his mask. "Since when are you nice and kind…?"

"True…" She gave in as she walked closer to his side looking down at the city. "Anything happen?" She was all business like again.

They had a job to do.

"Nah, everything is silent!" He answered as he plopped down on the rooftop. "Actually, we have a time for a little game." His voice was mischievously charming.

"A game…?" Raven inquired as she sat down next to him. "Aren't we a bit old for truth or dare…?" Sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"I wasn't talking about truth and dare… just some questions between friends… that's all…" He shook his head in mock-anger, but the grin on his face told her all she needed. "And since I'm such a gentleman, you can ask me first…"

"Oh yeah, what a gentleman you are…" Raven mumbled but she knew that he had heard, but nonetheless she thought about a question for the handsome archer.

Truthfully, she hated such games… they were too revealing if the person knew how to ask the right questions… and Raven didn't doubt that Roy – Arsenal knew how to ask the right questions. He was as tricky as Richard.

Maybe she shouldn't think too much…? Maybe it would be so much better if she would just ask the first thing that popped into her mind?

"W… What is… love…?"

Or maybe not…

Raven blushed as her blurted out question was out of her mouth. She just wanted to shoot herself or disappear into a tiny hole – especially when she saw his head whirl around and staring at her with those light blue eyes from behind his mask.

He would laugh at her… he would definitely laugh at her and tease her… and laugh at her…

"Love is like chocolate… you can't get enough of it… "

Okay, she definitely didn't expect that…

"And when you are allergic to chocolate…?" Raven asked and the smile could be heard in her voice. She just couldn't help herself… Roy always managed to bring out her playful side.

"You are allergic to chocolate?" Was the archer's confused question and he really seemed lost.

The young woman rolled her eyes, "No… but if I were than your little allegory wouldn't make sense."

A chuckle left his velvet lips and he couldn't help but admire her. He had always liked her witty and intelligent remarks. Raven Roth was the only girl he had met who could hold up with him and even out-done him.

One thing he loved about her…

"Love is… knowing when to let go…" He finally answered as he glanced at her surprised face. "Love is understanding what the person you love needs and wants… Love is trying to make the person you love happy… even if that means that **_you _**get hurt… Love is… selfish…" Arsenal trailed off realizing what he had said. It had come out of his mouth without him really knowing what he was saying… but… strangely enough, Roy didn't regret his words.

Not at all…

Not to her… to Raven…

Meanwhile, Raven was fighting with herself and the right words. She wasn't dumb… she what Arsenal meant with his words… of course she knew, but how was she supposed to react?

She tried to say something… and she cursed Arsenal…Roy for having this affect on her.

Nobody was able to leave her speechless… nobody but Richard… Richard and Roy…

"Roy… Arsenal…" Raven corrected herself, "I…"

"I think it's my turn to ask you a question, isn't it…?" He interrupted her before she could say anything. "Or maybe we should make a tour through the city and make sure that nothing happens. You can never be careful enough!"

Arsenal stood up and extended his hand to Raven.

She looked at him and then at his hand - confused – but the outstretched hand nonetheless and realized that she didn't mind the contact and rather enjoyed it.

Raven knew that she should be relieved that Arsenal had decided to change the subject and saved her from an answer… but somehow… she wasn't relieved.

"I head to the south side and you to the north…okay…?" The red-head hero hurriedly suggested and it was clear that he wanted to get away… from her.

And that hurt… Raven wasn't sure why, but she felt rejected.

So, all Raven did was nodding and without waiting for another answer or word from her, Arsenal head off… jumping from rooftop to rooftop in a skilful and graceful manner.

The sorceress stared after the disappearing man and she couldn't shake of the feeling of loss.

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It was almost six o'clock in the morning when Raven returned to her small apartment. After they had separated, Raven hadn't seen Arsenal. 

He had been avoiding her… and she didn't want him to get uncomfortable, so she hadn't sought him out.

And now, she was tired and exhausted and wanted nothing more than to sleep and leave everything behind her.

She felt him… even before she opened the door, she had felt him.

Raven always felt him… he was a part of her… as she was a part of him… that would never change.

That's why she wasn't surprised or startled as a shadowy figure greeted her from her small living-room.

The lights flickered on and there on her old couch was Richard… Nightwing fully clad in his black uniform with the blue bird on his chest, but his mask was missing.

Beautiful, dark-blue eyes peered at her…

She had always loved his eyes. No matter how many times he had showed them to her, Raven couldn't get enough of them. They were beautiful, enthralling, enchanting…

And she will always love his eyes…

Raven frowned as the thought escaped her mind. Why was she thinking like that?

Nightwing stood up from the couch and gestured Raven to come closer. They met half way in the small room.

Without a hesitation, his velvet lips found her soft ones. He trailed his tongue over her pouty lips and immediately she parted them. Letting his fingers get lost in her purple tresses, Nightwing moved his kisses over her cheeks, earlobes and neck.

It was as if he tried to memorize her features.

"I love you…" He murmured against her lips.

Raven's eyes shot open with surprise… and blue met amethyst… and she began to understand.

"You're leaving me…" She breathed out. The passionate kiss had left her breathless.

He shook his head 'no' and for a small moment Raven was relieved, before he began to speak.

"I'm letting you go…" It came out choked as if he had cried for a long time, but Raven knew that Nightwing wouldn't cry… but Richard would…

"You are leaving me!" She was screaming and she hated herself for that. It was pathetic. She was pathetic.

"I want you to be happy… that's why I let you go…" His voice trembled and Raven knew that he was using all his willpower to remain calm.

"_Love is… knowing when to let go…" He finally answered as he glanced at her surprised face. "Love is understanding what the person you love needs and wants… Love is trying to make the person you love happy… even if that means that **you **get hurt… Love is… selfish…"_

Raven remembered Arsenal's words and she bit her queering lips.

"I love you, Raven… I love you…" He repeated and repeated drawing her into a desperate hug. His face was buried in her purple locks.

They stayed like that for a moment until Raven pulled away from him. She was crying by now.

"What are we, Robin…?" She asked him as some tears slipped from under her eyelids.

Nightwing smiled down at the beautiful woman, "Soul mates… we're soul mates…"

"Soul mates…?" A small, sad smile crossed over her face, "Soul mates," Raven repeated and stroked Nightwing's cheek lovingly. "I like that… I like that very much…"

The hero stepped away from her and suddenly she felt so alone and cold.

He pulled out a mask from his pocket putting the fabric on and turning his back to her. Moving slowly to the door, Nightwing spoke up, "Don't let him get away, Rae…"

"W… What…?" Raven wasn't sure if she heard him right.

He turned around staring at her and although he had his mask on, Raven could see and feel his intense blue eyes boring into her soul.

Oh, how much she loved those eyes.

His handsome features softened into a melancholic and woeful smile, "Don't push **_him_** away, Rae… don't let him go… I… I want you to be happy. I want you to love…"

'_Because I couldn't love you…' _He added in his mind, but she heard him nonetheless… she always heard him.

Raven just managed to nod and smile at him… still trying not to cry.

Again, Nightwing smiled at her… a wave of his ungloved hand and he was gone… just like that…

And Raven felt like something in her had been broken into tiny pieces.

Slowly, she pulled out her communicator, carefully tracing over it before she flipped it open taping in a code.

Only some seconds later, a groggy face appeared, "What?"

"Roy…?" She spoke meekly.

"Raven?" Roy was surprised. "Did something happen? Are you alright…? Is Dick al-"

"Everything is alright… I just…" She trailed off and closed her eyes. Was this really a good idea?

"Rae…?"

"I just wanted to know if you want to go to a coffee-shop with me? I would even treat you that unhealthy coffee you drink all the time." It came out fast and unsure of herself.

Roy blinked for a moment before a hug grin broke out onto his face, "Unhealthy coffee, huh…? That sounds… irresistible…" He winked at her as she blushed and looked away from the screen.

'_Maybe letting go wouldn't be that bad'_ Raven thought as she smiled at Roy Harper over her communicator.

Maybe love wasn't selfish at all…?

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_**A/N+ **Reference to **'Tiny Vessels' **by **Death Cab For Cutie**… I'm not really a fan of this song… don't know why, but the line was just perfect for this story and I had to use it…_

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_What do you think…? How did you like it…? Tell me, and as I said, be honest, but I'm still proud of this one… really proud… so, review… please…_

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_I just wanted encourage you to write more stories for my challenge and read the stories all the awesome author/authoresses wrote for my challenge… go to my profile and favourite list… and read them and review them… they are awesome and amazing… I'm more than sure that you will love them…_

_And now for everyone who want to enter my challenge:_

_I want you guys to write a RaeRob or RaeSpeedy or RaeCy or TerraRob or TerraBB – one shot, but you have to use one of the following lines:_

'**_Love is like chocolate, you can't get enough of it!'_**

_**'A hero doesn't cry!'**_

'**_Will you be here for all eternity?'_**

'**_And his/her scent was like the scent of life.'_**

'**_Silence is safe. That much he/she knew.'_**

_So, one of these lines have to appear in your story (Of course, you can also use more than one line in your story)… and you can enter the challenge with more than one story and the pairing has to be one of the ones mentioned above… okay…?_

_The first price will be a story written by me… just for you. You can choose if you want me to write a one-shot or a chaptered story… you tell it, I'll do it…_

_The date when the challenge will end is at the end of January (extended to end of February)… I think… _

_So, I want at least five entries for the challenge… please… c'mon, you know, you want to…_

_If one of you decided to take part in the challenge then mention that you wrote your story for my challenge in your summary and send me a message or a mail telling me about your story… _

_Ok, I hope that many of you will take part in my challenge and I want to read many, many, many stories…_

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_So, that was it from me… for now…_

_Take care and be safe…_

_**Love you all…**_

_**Alena**_


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